Vibrancy

It’s a Friday evening. I am sitting on my bed, listening to classical music and trying to muster up enough energy to go hang out with the drama teacher. The sad truth is that, for the life of a teacher, Friday evenings often consist of doing not much more than putting on your pjs and watching a movie. Or at least that’s what sounds appealing, because you’re just plain exhausted at the end of the week.


I shouldn’t be complaining though, because this was only a three day week. Tuesday was Brazil’s independence day. We (the new teachers) spent the long weekend at a hot springs resort called Caldas Novas. It was a weekend of a lot of relaxing by the pool and shopping the very touristy town. Unfortunately there wasn’t much to do in the way of hiking or nature, which is what I was kind of hoping for. Because there was so much time with such a little agenda (something that hasn’t occurred since I moved here!) I got a bit homesick. But, all in all, it was a fun weekend and a good chance to connect with the new friends I’ve made here.

I was talking with Crystal, one of my roommates on the bus ride back, about how everything is going. I told her that for me transitions are hard. It can take up to two months of feeling funky emotionally while I adjust to a new setting, routine, culture, etc. I feel like I’ve been in transition mode for a long time. Transitioning out of Lampost and out of “college student” mode. One month periods of being at home and then nannying in Cedar Falls. Then moving to another continent and starting to teach full time. I have tried to be more graceful with myself, because I know that it takes awhile, and these have been big changes. But, I’m sick of being in transition mode. To be more specific, I feel like I haven’t quite been myself, especially the last few weeks. I think a big factor is being around people that don’t know me very well, and as a result, not fully being 100% myself (this is a life long struggle for me—attempting to live up to my perceptions of others’ expectations). I told Crystal that I feel like I’ve been live in pale shades, and that I want to be more vibrant. I want to fully live each moment to the fullest, in brave honesty and with eyes wide open. Life is too short (my time in Brazil is too short) to be living half way. You can keep me accountable for that!